


Phantom Pains

by Anxious_Muu



Series: Kholin brotherly love [1]
Category: Cosmere - Brandon Sanderson, Stormlight Archive - Brandon Sanderson
Genre: Angst because of Evi, Book 03: Oathbringer Spoilers, Elhokar was cute too, Family Bonding, Gen, How the Kholin Brothers received the news, Hurt/Comfort, Jasnah is a beauty, Kholin dynamics, Renarin is their baby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-13 00:07:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28894122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anxious_Muu/pseuds/Anxious_Muu
Summary: Some Kholin cousins dynamics, all worried about Renarin. That same night, Renarin and Adolin learn of Evi's death.
Relationships: Adolin Kholin & Elhokar Kholin, Adolin Kholin & Renarin Kholin, Elhokar Kholin & Jasnah Kholin, Elhokar Kholin & Renarin Kholin, Jasnah Kholin & Renarin Kholin, Kholin cousins
Series: Kholin brotherly love [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2160522
Comments: 10
Kudos: 22





	Phantom Pains

**Author's Note:**

> The Kholin cousins ages: Jasnah is 24, Elhokar 16, Adolin 12, Renarin 9.

Renarin listened intently as Jasnah’s voice echoed in the study. Her voice carried the weight of texts and words from the histories of their ancestors. She read about Sadees, the Sunmaker, back straight and hair pulled back in a braid crown. She read of the ancient king of Alethkar as if he still lived, speaking of his efforts to unify Alethkar with no so much as pride, but of fascination. 

Adolin sat beside Renarin, listening but not as intently as Renarin. He probably had this particular text read to him multiple times before, he only stuck by to keep Renarin company. To Renarin though, it was his first time. 

Jasnah’s voice was calm and unwavering, deep yet at the same time gentle. She read with such precision it was hard to budge in her presence without her cutting the brothers a semi stern glare. Unlike Adolin, who wanted so bad to stretch, Renarin found it comfortable. 

Jasnah wasn’t as much harsh as endearingly precise. Her precision wasn’t to spite or torture them, Renarin knew. It was to keep their mind off. Off the war, of the uneasy feelings they had accumulated. Jasnah, to a degree, understood Renarin. 

And Jasnah saw through that. She excused the scribes and ordered them out, wanting to direct this lesson for her cousins instead. 

The care was overwhelmingly sweet. 

Jasnah looked up from the textbook. “Any questions thus far?” 

Renarin was brought out of the hypnosis of Jasnah’s voice, missing it already. He solemnly shook his head, fingers playing with mother’s chain underneath the table. She had left it with Renarin as her replacement until she was back. Admittingly, it was embarrassing, but at this point Renarin didn’t care if people pointed and laughed. He _was_ his mother’s little boy. 

“I’m good,” Adolin smiled slightly. “Thanks, Jasnah.” 

Jasnah stiffled a sigh, pinning both of them with her eyes. 

Adolin raised both hands defensively. “It’s not that we’re not paying attention, we are.” 

“But?” Jasnah asked gently, gaze soft. 

Renarin’s eyes locked on the chain, fingers getting more aggressive with gripping and pulling the chain over and over again. The chain rattling quite loudly. 

A gentle hand topped his own, Adolin’s hand. He held his hand in a comforting way, but it wasn’t so comforting for Renarin right now. It wasn’t... the right time. 

Renarin just wanted her back. 

“Ren,” Adolin whispered, smoothing Renarin crumbled fingers slowly. “You okay?” 

Renarin’s hands were getting sweaty, fingers damp and stuffy and uncomfortable. Adolin’s own hand was adding to the pressure, to the nausea. His throat clogged up, stuffed with fear. Not fear, terror. 

“Is he...?” That was Jasnah’s voice, Renarin thought. 

“It’s a fit.” Adolin’s arms were wrapping around him so suddenly Renarin instinctively threw his hands to his face, choking on his very breath. He was going to die. 

Like Father and Mother in the war. 

His surroundings blanked out, Adolin’s quiet wince sounding so loud as Renarin ribbed him in the chest. Then Renarin was laying on the carpet, mind spinning, seeing white, black and colors. 

Renarin thought of what Evi said everytime he was lost in this state. Prayer. His mind chanted the Heralds’ names one by one, and asked for The One’s blessings to pass this up. 

Renarin wanted to see mother. To see Adolin. To see Father. 

He didn’t know how long it had gone by as his body trembled in violent tremors, the Heralds’ names getting mixed in his mind. His limbs seized up, finding no solace as they shook. His neck was too stiff for it to be comfortable. 

Almighty, he was going to die. 

It was when he heard Adolin’s voice that he knew the fit was finally over. His body has gone limp on his side, his voice sputtered greedily for air. He couldn’t see well, his gaze a little blurry. 

“You’re okay, you’re fine,” Adolin stuttered, voice shaking. 

He gently put the spectacles back on Renarin’s face, the previous blobs finally shaping into faces. Adolin’s scared but determined face looming over him, a big brother that had always been the best, yet never acknowledged it. And Jasnah, strong stubborn Jasnah, her lips pursed and eyes glazed over in worry. 

“The fit has passed, you’re fine,” Adolin’s hand migrated to his hair, stroking ever so gently. Sometimes, Renarin thought his brother’s touch was gentler and more fragile than their mother. As if he were afraid to break him. 

Renarin nodded, relaxing as Adolin’s fingers stroked till the roots of his hair were massaged. 

“I’m... I’m sorry, Renarin,” Jasnah said quietly. “My lesson was too much. I should’ve stopped.” She looked away, the guilt a mask Renarin saw right through. 

“It’s not that,” Renarin mumbled, eyes heavy. Speaking was hard, his tongue fell heavily in his mouth, especially with Adolin’s fingers being so therapeutic. 

“I don’t think it’s your lesson,” Adolin spoke up for him, voice ceasing from trembling. “He’s been anxious the whole day. He’s worried.” 

“Uncle will be back, it’s not his first battle,” Jasnah said with a certainty so objective Renarin found it a bit strange. He knew Jasnah was right, but something was telling him otherwise. 

“Of course he will,” Adolin added with a confidence that shone brightly in Renarin’s eyes. “And the people of Rathalas will finally be added to our kingdom. Father is a hero, the Blackthorn Alethkar needs.” 

Renarin whimpered with a small nod. If Adolin was positive it would be fine, then Renarin trusted him. He would throw the bad thoughts away, he would. 

A gentle rap on the door startled them, Renarin hastening to sit up. He was quickly stopped by Adolin’s hand on his chest, pushed back down gently on his back. 

“I’ve got you, rest,” Adolin murmured, moving himself behind Renarin and putting his head on his lap. Renarin’s cheeks heated up, embarrassed to be treated as such in public. But he didn’t have anything against it, he welcomed the feel of Adolin’s lap beneath his head. His neck wouldn’t ache so bad anymore. 

Jasnah, as she would have it, stood. “Yes?” She said with the authority of a queen, not a princess. Jasnah was always so much more than a princess. 

Elhokar appeared at the doorway, eyebrows slightly furrowed. “What are you all doing here?” His voice cut off as he took in the scene, his earlier critical demeanor completely changing. “What happened, cousin?” 

“He’s had a fit, it’s passed.” Adolin explained, looking between Jasnah and Elhokar. As was Renarin. 

Elhokar squared up his shoulders, turning his attention on Jasnah. “And what are _you_ doing here? Why haven’t you called the servants to tend to him? Not to mention, Mother was calling you over.” 

Jasnah sniffed, a small, if chilling, smile spreading on her painted red lips. “And you ran here like Navani's errand boy, Elhokar?” 

Elhokar stumbled in his stance, but pointed a stubborn finger at her. “I am not her errand boy! And don’t call her by name, she’s our mother.” 

Jasnah remained silent, then scanned Elhokar’s attire. “Have you just finished your lessons?” 

“Yes, of course I... Wait, don’t ignore me.” Elhokar stiffened, looking away. “You always do this, turn this on me and belittle me.” 

Renarin slowly sat up, calming the fretting Adolin with a smile. Adolin stubbornly made him sit in a way that his back leaned on Adolin’s chest, just in case he was still weak to sit up properly. 

Renarin and his big brother watched the scene unfolding behind them in a feeling that was quite adequate to amusement. 

“I’m not belittling you, brother,” Jasnah said coolly, smile ever present on her face. 

“You’re doing it again,” Elhokar’s shoulders shook, desperationspren floating beside his feet. Elhokar wasn’t angry, just embarrassed. Renarin didn’t really blame his cousin, with Jasnah being so cool. 

Elhokar had always desired to be of Jasnah’s importance, he always got defensive and a bit... unsupportable, Renarin assumed. He just didn’t understand why they couldn’t help each other out instead of bickering. Renarin _was_ envious of Adolin’s health and swordsmanship, it just never crossed his mind to blame it on Adolin. 

“You should start treating me with respect too, Jasnah,” Elhokar puffed his cheeks. “I’d eventually be the heir to the throne, I'm already sixteen.” 

“Then perhaps start acting like it?” Jasnah commented, making Elhokar grumble beneath his breath. And, to everyone’s shock, Jasnah started to chuckle under her breath. 

It was low, but also melodic and gentle. She stared at Elhokar fondly, and he stared back at her with raised eyebrows. 

“Uh,” Adolin swallowed awkwardly, taking in Jasnah’s unusual mood. 

Jasnah cleared her throat, expertly brushing away the moment. “You’re just endearing, brother.” 

Elhokar crossed his arms and sighed, a blush on his cheeks. “Oh, storm off.” He said it in a way that Jasnah wouldn’t take as an insult or disrespect. And just then, she shrugged a shoulder and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. 

“Come, let’s see Navani,” She patted Elhokar lovingly on the shoulder, expecting to lead the way. 

Elhokar scanned Renarin. “What about you two?” 

Renarin’s fingers easily found mother’s chain, he shrugged. “I feel better, thanks.” 

“I guess I'll take him to his room in a while, thanks for the worry,” Adolin smiled. 

Elhokar nodded. He took that as a final response and turned his back. Just as he were about to close the door, he spoke up. “It’ll be okay.” He said calmly, his tone not so arrogant and defensive as earlier. He turned to Renarin, his lips pulling up in what almost formed as a smile. “Get better soon.” 

Renarin nodded, fingers easing up on the chain. Elhokar then turned and walked away. 

Adolin snorted from behind Renarin. “So he _can_ be decently nice too.” 

“Don’t say that now, Adolin,” Renarin twisted around to look at his brother. “Even if it’s true.” 

A gentle pull at the cheek was what Renarin got as response. Renarin batted his hand in Adolin’s direction, mumbled apologies with giggles. 

“Renarin?” Adolin let go and fixed his brother with a worried gaze. “Your fit though, it was so sudden.” 

Renarin gulped, extracting his body back to face Adolin. The words died on his mouth as a half-stormed explanation. He ended up shrugging. 

“If it’s because I touched you suddenly, I’m sorry.” Adolin said gently. “I was just trying to help.” 

“No, um,” Renarin wriggled his fingers into tiny fists. “I mean, that was part of it, but no. I’m... I don’t know, I'm weird.” He confessed, tears fogging his already weak eyesight. That was all that Renarin was, weak and fragile and paranoid. 

“You’re not weird.” Adolin, instead of holding Renarin’s hands this time, patted Renarin’s head affectionately. “Tell me what you’re thinking, please.” 

Renarin looked Adolin in the eyes, and knew that his words would be heard and accepted. 

“Something happened,” Renarin muttered, sniffling. “With Mother.” 

Adolin blinked back, frowning. 

“I don’t know, I mean,” Renarin was shaking again. “I know Father will protect her, the greatest man in Alethkar. But I feel... Mother...” He trailed off, uncertain. 

“You’re worried.” Adolin smiled, shrugging too. “I’m worried too, but this happens all the time. And this time, Father will come back too.” 

Renarin stared at his brother, basking in the comfort and warmth Adolin radiated. Adolin was just like Evi, warm. So warm Renarin’s heart ached. 

“Tell you what,” Adolin stood, helping Renarin on his feet. Renarin’s knees were slightly wobbly, but Adolin was his lifeline. “I’ll sleep with you tonight.” 

Renarin didn’t have the energy of refusing or even asking why. He allowed Adolin to help him to his room, holding hands the whole time they walked. It wasn’t that far, to which Renarin was thankful for. 

In his room, Renarin collapsed on his bed and huddled in the warmth of the blankets. Adolin swiftly turned the heating Fabrial on to warm the room to a gentle degree. There would be a storm outside tonight. With the room basked in darkness, Adolin crawled on the other side of the bed, dipping the bed in a welcomed weight beside Renarin. 

Renarin couldn’t see well, now that it was dark and his spectacles away on the drawer. But Adolin’s soft breathing made up for it, his presence driving all the phantom thoughts away. Still, Renarin thought of Evi. 

Her warm hands as she stroked Renarin’s hair after his fits. Her comforting words when Renarin got bullied or hit by the other kids in the palace. Her cute accent that was both thick yet carried all the cosmere’s love within. 

Renarin’s hand found Adolin’s beneath the blanket, and he slowly placed it on his head. He wanted to feel it again, Adolin’s fingers carding through his hair strands. 

Adolin was still awake, he didn’t say much but Renarin heard the smile in his breath and the closure of their bodies. 

“You have me, Ren,” Adolin said, hand never ceasing its stroking. “I’m here for you.” 

And Renarin believed him, because through all the boulders they’d face together, Adolin would always be there for him. 

*** 

“What...? It’s too early, what do you mean?” 

Renarin’s foggy mind cleared as those words were whispered. He expected to be met with light shining through the window, but it was still dark out, Salas’ moonlight barely dissipated. 

“It can’t be!” That was Adolin’s voice, Renarin realized. Trying to be strong, endurable, but trembling nonetheless. 

Renarin reached for his spectacles, and beside them Mother’s chain. Renarin blinked, gulping at the cold metal. It was cold. 

“I’m sorry, Adolin.” That was Aunt Navani’s voice, low and fretful. 

“No... They couldn’t find her body at all?” Adolin stressed weakly. 

It finally clicked in Renarin’s mind.

“Adolin?” He called, bare feet padding against the cold floor. He didn’t even shiver. Mother’s chain was much, much colder.

Adolin snapped his head back, tears stuck in his eyelashes. Renarin stared back at him, the tears startling him more than he thought they would. 

He’d never seen Adolin cry. When one was angry or disappointed with Adolin, Adolin only tried harder to correct his mistake. 

Adolin wasn’t supposed to cry. 

Navani gasped gently behind Adolin, safehand covering her mouth. “I’m sorry, gemheart. Did we wake you?” 

Renarin didn’t answer, his eyes were stuck on Adolin. 

“Ren,” Adolin lips split into a pained smile, forcing a breathy laugh. Something twisted in Renarin’s chest, tore his heartstring apart. “Go back to sleep, it’s fine.” 

Navani turned to Adolin in question, but otherwise stayed silent. 

Renarin wasn’t buying Adolin’s act. “What happened?” He asked. 

“Go back to sleep, it’s barely morning.” Adolin repeated, smile still painfully etched on his lips. 

“Stop,” Renarin whined, the sound ripping from his throat. “Stop smiling like that.” 

Adolin didn’t immediately drop the smile, fighting against his tears to will them down. 

“Is it Mother?” Renarin was dry of tears as of now, still focused on Adolin’s state. 

Adolin nodded ever so slightly, approaching Renarin with light footsteps. “Mother was kidnapped.” 

Renarin was still focused on Adolin, eyes never leaving his brother. The personification of warmth and comfort. 

“Father tried saving her,” Adolin explained, throat closing in on his words. “He tried so hard, but Mother... Mother died.” 

Anguishspren exploded beside Adolin, hugging his figure tightly. As if the Almighty were preserving his pain. Adolin wrapped him in his arms, slow and firm, aware of Renarin’s dislike of touch. But Renarin accepted it, needed it now. 

Renarin hugged back, eyeing the anguishspren as they fell as if they were human teeth falling from a skull. The skull being Mother's. Gentle, loving, warm, nature-loving emotional Evi. 

“It’ll be fine,” Adolin whispered in Renarin’s ear, hand always finding his hair to stroke. “You have me. I’m here for you.” 

Renarin’s shoulders were still stiff, but his hands found tranquility on Adolin’s back. His pain was retreated, he didn’t feel the brunt of loss yet, or the wrenching of his heart, or whatever he was supposed to do. He couldn’t cry. For now, his pain was barely there, only spiking up by Adolin’s grip tightening on him. 

“You have me too,” Renarin whispered back, noting as a single tear rolled down Aunt Navani’s cheek as she watched them. “You. Me. We.” 

Adolin drew in a harsh breath. Their phantom pain meshing into one, their grief overlapping. 

**Author's Note:**

> Kholin dynamics are much needed and i love them as children. Jasnah and Elhokar in my opinion have this one-sided rivalry dynamic going on: Elhokar gets pissed easily and Jasnah likes to kind of make fun of it. I LOVE THEM  
> Renarin and Adolin are supportive of each other and Adolin can't stand teasing Renarin because it's his baby brother and anyone who hurts Renarin will be obliterated.(!!)
> 
> I really hope you enjoyed this, comments are always appreciated! I like getting feedbacks and opinions (nice comments too *cough*) <3  
> Life before Death, Radiants <3


End file.
